Taylor Swift could not have written a more honest and true one liner than HI, IT’S ME. I’M THE PROBLEM. If you know, you know I think Swift is a marketing genius and the way she has chosen to use marketing with connecting with her fans is one of the most creative concepts in our generation. Now that I am done fangirling from a creative / marketing mindset… let me just say it again, this line is such an honest, bold, statement probably most of us can relate to one time or another. 

For me, this song came out just when I needed it the most. During the prime of getting married, being a simple bride, with very low needs, and realizing as much as I hate the attention- I loved that it brought connection and more conversations. 

The fact is, until Anthony, I had my business. No fiancé, no kids, no second or third child… and in my 20’s all of those milestones were moving fast for those around me. So the wedding was the first time something was about me, for me, and none of that mattered… except I finally was getting to have more time with my people. That feeling felt amazing. Until it was gone. 

SO HERE IS A NOTE FOR ALL FUTURE BRIDES
They never mention Wedding Blues… it’s a real thing. For me it wasn’t about being a bride or all the little bridal things (in fact I opted out of it all), it was getting to connect, have some girl time, have some family time, and just soak in all the moments as they came.

Afterward, I felt kind of alone which is a funny feeling to have after getting married. It probably didn’t help that the wedding was also right in the middle of the holidays… it was like all the magic was gone. 

In the months following the wedding, I was hurt, heartbroken, angry, and just simply, disappointed. I had made every effort: the calls, the reach out, the check-ins, the small gestures. I felt like I was missing those friendships for what they were not the reality of what they had become.

Maybe because of covid, I had been longing for more of that. Or maybe I just found myself slipping away from some friendships/relationships because the reality is friendships are like plants.  They need water and sunlight. When they are deprived of either life force, they die. 

Either way. Wedding Blues is real. Emotions are real. Connections are needed. I wasn’t getting this. Then it hit me HI, IT’S ME. I’M THE PROBLEM. It had to be right. 

In these moments I do a SELF-EDIT… 
I always try to see how I can be better and choose to show up the next time. Just like the lyrics “I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror”… so, here I am choosing to look directly in the mirror.

My takeaway: I wasn’t choosing to speak my full truth and say hey, I need water, I need sunlight. I need you to show up for me like I show up for you. Here is my list of how to be the Gardner in moments of hard times:

• Focus more on you and your needs, so that you can find a more mindful place and then give to those you need.
• Find friendships where you both are giving water and sunlight. 
• Be honest and more open with those who are not providing this- there is a good little video on this. (I’ll share on social).
• Look at the field of flowers around you and know there are plenty of ones wanting to grow into a friendship. 
• Hope those who read this take a conscious effort into reaching out to their friends and letting them know they are loved, supported, and thought of. Be the friend you portray on social media. Care enough to ask if you are the problem too. 

What’s one takeaway you had when it came to being a bride, having a baby, a milestone, or just within your friendship?

PS. To my original 5, I hope you know I loved you then, love you now, and wish for more moments than just the ones we have created and reminisce on. 

XO- Jennica